If you’re in a committed relationship and can’t imagine life without the guy, you might wonder, “Should you marry him?”
However, most relationships aren’t always rainbows and butterflies.
If you’ve passed the infatuation stage, you might have to take some bad with the good, and that brings doubts into the picture.
How do you know you’re marrying the right person if uncertainties keep creeping up?
Long-term relationships aren’t always perfect.
In fact, if you plan to be with someone for the rest of your life, you’re bound to have seasons of happiness as well as difficult times.
But are you supposed to listen to your head or your heart?
It’s important to know what factors you’re willing to deal with and what issues are deal breakers.
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Should You Marry Him? 3 Ways To Know
Because you can’t control your partner, no relationship is foolproof.
However, there are three ways to know whether you should marry him. Think about what you love about him and what’s not so great. Also, consider getting advice from an objective outside source.
Remember: you shouldn’t just love him; you should like him.
Although you might feel blown away by the intensity of infatuation, you shouldn’t confuse this with intimacy. In a traditional marriage, you’ll live with your spouse for the rest of your life. Therefore, you’ll hang out with him practically every day. He’ll be there when you wake up, and he’ll kiss you goodnight.
To illuminate the truth, ask yourself if you would be friends with this person if you weren’t romantically involved. Behaviors that you wouldn’t tolerate from a good friend shouldn’t be accepted in a marriage, no matter how much you love the person.
1. Consider The Great Things About Being With Him
Now that you’re in the zone where you’re looking at your relationship objectively, go through this checklist of 10 great reasons to marry him.
You Feel Better When You’re With Him
Although validation and self-worth should come from within, being with someone who makes you feel great about yourself is a good sign that you should stick with him. On the flip side, a boyfriend who makes you feel bad about yourself probably isn’t going to change.
You Communicate Well
Have you ever had an argument with your significant other? If you find yourself avoiding conflict, you might not be compatible.
When you create a life with someone, you need to communicate about just about everything. Even a situation as simple as leaving dishes in the sink can lead to exaggerated resentment if you can’t communicate about the fact that it’s a huge turnoff.
If you haven’t practiced communicating about the little things, what will happen when major problems arise in your life?Communication is one of the most essential parts of a satisfying marriage.
He Blends Into Your Life
According to Holly Daniels, a doctor who works with people who struggle with anxiety and codependency issues in relationships, your partner should merge into your life somewhat seamlessly. People with similar interests tend to have more sustainable relationships.
If you have to choose between living your life the way you’re used to or putting everything on hold to be with your partner, something is eventually going to have to give. You’re either going to sacrifice your relationship or the rest of your lifestyle. If you give up the things that you love, you might end up resenting your partner.
You Respect Each Other
The Palo Alto Medical Foundation says that respect is the most important foundation of a good relationship.
If your partner allows you to express your opinions without belittling them, supports who you are and acknowledges your strengths, it’s a good sign that you have a healthy relationship.
You Savor Each Other
It’s easy to take someone for granted when they’re around you 24/7.
Couples that acknowledge the small blessings and make a point to acknowledge their gratitude for each other regularly are more likely to have satisfying relationships, according to the authors of Happy Together: Using the Science of Positive Psychology to Build Love That Lasts.
You’ve Already Worked Through A Hard Time Together
There will be tough times in every relationship.
If you’ve already succeeded in navigating a challenge together and feel like it went well, you can draw on that experience next time things go awry in the relationship.
On the other hand, if you’re unhappy with the way you handled a difficult situation together, don’t ignore it. Tough issues will certainly come up again, even if infrequently, and they could destroy your marriage.
You Listen To One Another
If your partner asks about your day and shows genuine interest in your thoughts, ideas and emotions, he might be a keeper. Someone who is not attentive to you now will probably only grow less interested in you over time.
You Can’t Fathom The Thought Of Being With Someone Else
If thinking about dating another man makes you cringe, it’s a good sign that you’re with the man that you’re supposed to marry.
You’re allowed to find other people attractive and even have fantasies when you’re in a committed relationship. However, if you secretly dream about that handsome coworker who flirts with you at the water cooler, you might not be ready to get married yet.
You Don’t Have To Be Doing Something Special To Have The Time Of Your Life
When you’re with the right person, you have fun when you’re just sitting around. You enjoy one another’s company and don’t need a special occasion to have a great time.
You Want To Grow Old With Your Partner
A marriage can last a long time. Throughout the years, you may need to care for your spouse physically and emotionally. If you’re both excited to take on that challenge, then this might be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
2. When In Doubt, Read The Writing On The Wall
If you have doubts, there are some warning signs that you should not ignore. These 10 signs you should not marry the man you’re with are major red flags.
He Has Cheated On You
People can always change, but past behavior often overrides intention, according to experts. If he cheated once, he might do it again.
Plus, if your significant other has cheated on you, there will always be a trust issue in your relationship. You deserve someone who will fight for you before turning to other people to satisfy their fleeting cravings or desires.
You’re Not Satisfied With Your Sex Life
What you do in the bedroom isn’t necessarily the most important part of a marriage, but it matters.
Dissatisfaction with your bedroom life is one of the primary reasons that people, especially men, cheat.
Sexual frequency typically declines within about a year into most relationships. This often leads to differences in libido or desire, which lead both parties to feel frustrated.
Consider consulting a sex therapist if you have issues with intimacy in the relationship before you get married. This will help you decide whether it’s something that can be tackled constructively or will ultimately destroy the relationship.
You Don’t Have Anything To Talk About
You’re going to have a lot of opportunities to sit in front of your spouse and chat.
If you already struggle to find things to talk about on a date, you might get bored with your conversations (or lack thereof) over time. Someone who responds enthusiastically to those insignificant thoughts that you speak out loud will likely keep the conversation going 40 years from now too.
You Wouldn’t Want Him On Your Team
Marriage is a partnership of sorts. You’ll have to manage a household and potentially raise children together.
Would you choose this person as a business partner? Would you pick him to be on your sports team? If your answer is “no,” you might not want this person as your partner in life, either.
You Want To Fix Him
If you’re consistently attracted to people who have a lot of problems, you might be more magnetized by your desire to fix them than by the people themselves.
Some individuals are natural caregivers. However, helping others can become addictive.
Also, taking the role of healer can place the other person in the role of perpetual victim. If you feel like you need to change your partner, you will probably be disappointed in the long run. You may know you want to marry someone but consider choosing a man who better matches your desires and needs from the get-go.
Your Friends And Family Don’t Like Him
Although you might feel like you know your partner better than your parents or friends do, your loved ones can see some things more objectively when you’re in a relationship.
Even if your friends and family don’t see the whole picture or make incorrect assumptions, their distaste for your significant other will force you to make choices eventually.
Do you really want to avoid social situations because your spouse has been shunned by the others who are close to you? This can lead to isolation and bitterness, neither of which is healthy in a marriage.
He Is Controlling Or Manipulative
There are many ways in which a partner can be controlling.
Does your partner need to know everything about you? Does he ask for your passwords and act suspicious? Does he demand access to your email accounts?
Jealousy, paranoia and snooping are just some signs of a controlling partner. Other signs that your man might be manipulative include:
- Isolating you from loved ones
- Constantly criticizing you
- Making threats
- Giving you conditional affection
- Using guilt trips as a tool
- Making you feel bad about yourself
- Pressuring you
He Is Abusive
Abuse may be one of the biggest red flags in a relationship, but sometimes people make excuses for this unacceptable behavior.
Some forms of abuse are identical to the signs of a controlling partner, which are mentioned above.
WebMD provides another checklist to understand the signs of domestic abuse. If you experience any of these issues in your relationship, get out now.
You Have Different Financial Values
In the Billy Joel song “Scenes From an Italian Restaurant,” Brenda and Eddie “started to fight when the money got tight, and they just didn’t count on the tears.” Finances can get in the way of even the best relationship.
Having distinct beliefs about money won’t necessarily break up a long-term relationship, but you have to be willing to have open discussions about your finances. A bad relationship can ruin your finances, and bad financial decisions can ruin a marriage.
This is one area in which openness and trust are huge. You might want to consult with a financial advisor to make sure you’re on the same page before you say, “I do.”
He Treats Other People Poorly
Even if your boyfriend treats you like a queen, look at the way that he relates with others. If he’s cruel, rude and insensitive to his parents, siblings and friends, it may forecast the way that he’ll eventually treat you.
3. Get Guidance From Someone Who Knows The Answer
Are you still having trouble answering the question, “Should you marry him?”
Sometimes, our conscious mind and ego get in the way of what our subconscious really wants. In this case, getting advice and guidance from someone else can help.
Going to a licensed marriage counselor or therapist can help you talk openly about any concerns and doubts that you have. It can give you the objective look at your relationship that you don’t have because you’re immersed in your emotions. It also serves as a way to mediate any problems and discuss controversial topics without arguing.
An online love psychic can also give you guidance. Psychics don’t just “see the future.” Most of them work with the energy that is already brimming from your unconscious self and bring certain issues and ideas to light for you.
They may work with your higher self, guides, beings of light and waves of energy that you emit to put together a picture of the path that you’re on. Chatting with a love and relationship psychic can clarify some issues that you have neglected to pay attention to or give you an idea of what the future holds if you keep taking the actions that you’re taking.
On the contrary, you might realize that your behavioral and thought patterns aren’t taking you down the road that you want. Gaining clarity in this regard can help you make changes to help you establish a healthy relationship with your current partner or someone else.
A psychic might help you connect with your higher self so that you can trust your intuition better. Even after a session, you might be more likely to trust those “gut feelings,” which are often messages from a higher power. This can help you connect your conscious mind with your unconscious desires and uncover exactly what nourishes your soul.
When you begin to make decisions that are in line with your authentic self, you learn to trust yourself. You can see what you really want more specifically, and deciding whether to marry a certain person becomes a clear-cut decision.
If you decide that you need to make a change, breaking up with your loved one still may not be easy.
However, after working with a psychic specializing in love, you might feel more confident that the choices you make are the right ones.
Often, asking the question, “What do I need to know about this relationship?” will give you valuable information that you can use to make the best decision about how to move forward.