We hear so often that a relationship takes work.
On the flip side, many of us hold onto the belief that the right relationship should fulfill all or most of our needs.
Those two ideals can contradict one another.
How can a relationship that fills us up so deeply feel hard?
Because relationships go through seasons, it can also be difficult to determine whether it’s time to flow with the change or end things and start fresh.
Should you let go of a partnership that you’ve spent years cultivating?
How can you tell if you’re truly unhappy or just need a slight shift?
If you want to know whether you should stay in your relationship or if you should go, you must be brutally honest with yourself.
This article should help you identify the difference between immature excuses for ending a relationship and authentic deal breakers. By the time you finish reading, we hope that you have more clarity.
– Updated 10/17/2019
Table of Contents
- 1 Why Relationships Come To An End
- 2 “Should I Stay Or Should I Go?” – 3 Ways To Know
- 3 1) Immature Reasons For Leaving A Relationship
- 4 2) Valid Reasons To Leave
- 5 3) Get Advice From A Professional
Why Relationships Come To An End
There are a plethora of reasons why relationships fail. It usually doesn’t come down to one factor.
Your emotions, your partner’s emotions and the complex circumstances surrounding your relationship work together to make things either great or grave.
I believe that expectations ruin all relationships. Throughout our childhood, we’re infused with the idea that there is something fairy-tale-like about the perfect relationship.
When we grow up, we realize that relationships are made up of beauty and magic as well as vulnerability and effort. Sometimes, relationships can be downright drudgery.
The difference between a romantic relationship and a deeply connected friendship is that you don’t spend the majority of your time with your friends. While you may expect your friends to support you socially and emotionally, you don’t place the responsibilities of a partnership on them. You don’t presume them to be your everything, and therefore, you are more likely to forgive their shortcomings.
With romantic relationships, we are told that a truly ideal partner should be our everything. Therefore, we may feel seriously disappointed when we realize the flaws in our connection.
Of course, this situation isn’t true for everyone, but it happens for many people. Having unrealistic expectations isn’t always the sole problem, either. But combined with poor communication, trust issues, developmental changes, abuse or other problems, unrealistic expectations can make a relationship go downhill quickly.
According to Psychology Today, the top ten reasons that relationships fail include:
- Loss or lack of trust
- Divergent expectations
- Distinct personal growth rates
- Compatibility problems
- Communication issues
- One or both partners is a narcissist
- Financial trouble
“Should I Stay Or Should I Go?” – 3 Ways To Know
One of the reasons that it’s so hard to decide whether to break up or stay together is that you can’t see the future.
If you could see that things would 100% improve, you might be willing to do the work to keep the relationship going. But putting in the effort isn’t worth it if the relationship is going to fail anyway.
Although a relationship might not light you up every day of your life, you should feel as though your partner doesn’t detract from your wellbeing. On a good day, your partner should make you a better person. On a bad day, he or she might simply exist as an objective, nonjudgmental fixture in your life.
You’ll know when you should end it if your partner is detracting from your ability to feel fulfilled.
1) Immature Reasons For Leaving A Relationship
If you’re simply not ready to settle down, you might be unwilling to do the work that it takes to keep up a relationship.
That’s ok, but you owe it to yourself and your partner to be honest with yourself.
On the other hand, if you sincerely want to make things work with this person, don’t use these excuses as reasons to avoid making an effort. Are you really going to break up with him because he sucks food out of his teeth at romantic restaurants, or is that just an excuse to hide what’s really wrong?
In 2015, CNBC reported that financial issues are the leading contributor of stress in relationships. If you’re stressed about money as part of a couple, you’ll likely be just as anxious about finances if you break up.
What makes financial problems particularly troubling for couples is a divergence in values. Being unwilling to contribute to a savings account, hiding your spending habits from one another and neglecting to consult your partner when making large purchases can transform financial problems into trust and communication issues.
You don’t have to let that happen, though. If you want to be with someone for the rest of your life, you have to be honest about finances. If you sincerely want to break up with your significant other because you can’t get through financial stress together, maybe he isn’t the one for you.
You’re Afraid Of Missing Out
Do you ever have an intense worry that there might be someone out there who is more perfect for you than your partner
Everyone has flaws, and even if your boyfriend is perfect for you, he likely has a few inadequacies. We all do.
If you focus on those deficiencies, though, you might make them seem like a bigger deal than they actually are. Moreover, you may start wondering if there’s someone out there who doesn’t have those faults and can fulfill your needs in the areas where your partner doesn’t.
You can always ditch your partner for someone else. But I guarantee you that that other person will have weaknesses too. They may not be in the same categories, but they’ll exist.
In some cases, the flaws are significant. There are some personal defects that you should not tolerate, including abuse. However, don’t use the fact that your partner’s snoring keeps you awake at night to justify breaking off the relationship.
Your Lust Has Faded
It happens in almost every relationship; you spend the first few months or years thinking about each other.
You can’t keep your hands to yourself. You think about the other person as you go to sleep at night and as you wake up.
Eventually, though, things feel like they have cooled off. The passion has lessened, and your once-fiery intimacy feels more like a partnership.
According to Psychology Today, new love stimulates the brain like a drug. No matter how perfect your partner is for you, the spark of infatuation is always temporary.
The best relationship evolves into one of mutual attachment and security, says Bustle. Although they doesn’t feel all that exciting, security and attachment make up the base of Maslow’s hierarchy of needs. Without getting your base physiological and psychological needs met, you can’t progress to achieving the higher needs, which include reaching your full potential.
Some people tend to drop a relationship that becomes mundane and boring as they become more enlightened throughout life’s journey. Remember, though, if you lose your base needs, you’ll need to establish them again before you can float in the space of self-actualization.
Life is all about growth. As we mature, we flourish. This involves change.
You’ll probably develop at a different rate than your partner. This can make you feel like you’re growing apart. However, that’s not always the case.
Sometimes, you simply rise up because you’re so well supported by your partner. Perhaps you grow at a faster rate so that you can be the mentor when they’re ready to match that growth. Although there are some changes that can occur and make a relationship irreconcilable, most of the time you need to cultivate patience and support your partner as they live out their purpose.
On the flip side, if you need to do some growing and your partner is holding you back, maybe it’s time to take a temporary or permanent break. You need to truly love yourself before you can devote yourself to someone else completely.
Fear Of Commitment
Fear is never a great reason to do anything. It’s a survival instinct that can overpower your true emotions.
Psychology Today says that commitment phobia is one of the top reasons that people end relationships.
This is a tricky emotion, though. People who are hesitant to commit may truly desire a long-term connection with someone else, according to Psych Central. Nevertheless, the longer you stay in the relationship, the more intense your anxiety becomes.
If you experience commitment phobia, consider learning how to overcome this type of anxiety instead of ditching the relationship. A trained therapist can help you turn around your cognitive distortions and develop a healthier response to commitment.
2) Valid Reasons To Leave
There are many valid reasons to leave a bad relationship. These include:
- Abuse or manipulation of any kind
- Your partner is unable to see anything from your point of view
- You don’t feel respected
Deciding whether or not you should stay with your partner is more difficult when the relationship isn’t inherently terrible. You might wonder if you should stay in your relationship or if you should go when everything seems fine on the surface but you’re unhappy underneath.
Don’t confuse lack of problems with happiness. Many people assume that they should stay in a lackluster relationship just because there isn’t drama or conflict.
Still, if you feel like you have done all that you can to make things work and you’re simply not happy, you might not want to keep trying. It’s probably time to end things. That doesn’t mean that you’ve failed; it simply indicates that this partnership wasn’t meant to continue during this stage of your life.
Ending The Relationship With Respect
You might entertain the idea of maintaining a less-than-ideal relationship just because the alternative—breaking up—sounds awful.
This isn’t a good idea for anyone involved. It’s not fair to your partner, and it doesn’t allow you to live from a place of authenticity.
If you know that it’s over, you owe it to your significant other to communicate the way that you feel. Do this in person when you’re relaxed and calm. Bringing up your desire to break up during a volatile argument might lead to more conflict and drama than is necessary.
For people who haven’t been open about their feelings throughout the relationship, a breakup conversation may open the door to the possibility of reconciliation.
As you’re explaining the reasons why the relationship isn’t working for you, it’s natural for your partner to step up and offer to make some changes. If you’re willing to accept those changes and try to make the relationship work, then don’t make this a breakup conversation. Instead, these issues should be addressed while the relationship is still going.
However, if you’re convinced that things are over, make sure that you establish your boundaries ahead of time. If you truly want to break up, make that clear. You may want to explain the reasons for your feelings, but you need your partner to know that there is nothing that can be done at this point to salvage the relationship.
You can let your partner know that you’re willing to listen to his or her point of view. However, you also want them to understand that they’re not going to change your mind.
3) Get Advice From A Professional
Still not sure if you should stay in your relationship or if you should go?
Online psychic readings may help you decide whether to keep or leave a relationship.
Ultimately, you’ll have to make the decision about whether to end the relationship. But a psychic can give you insight that you might have missed or trained yourself to ignore.
For example, a love psychic can give you answers to questions like, “Is the relationship worth it?” You might even end up with an objective list of pros and cons about your relationship. Again, you’ll be required to assign importance to each factor, but you’ll be working from a clearer basis.
Relationships are complex. A psychic can help clarify what’s really going on, especially when your emotions have clouded your ability to see things clearly.
After consulting with a psychic love specialist by phone, or online chat, you might feel as though your decision is obvious. But you can also learn more about the actions that you need to take to proceed.
Remember that your future is not set in stone. Even if a psychic tells you that he or she sees someone other than your current partner in your future, you don’t necessarily need to cut things off immediately. That would be like cutting off your leg now because someone told you that you’d get in an accident and require amputation ten years down the road.
The journey of life is all about the process, not the outcome. A psychic can help you move down your path in a purposeful manner and see the meaning behind your actions.
You have free will, but a psychic can read messages that you might not be tapped into. He or she can see your life’s chart and elucidate the potential consequences of your actions.
If you knew exactly what would happen to you in life, you wouldn’t learn anything. Working with a psychic can help you gain clarity about the positive aspects of even the most challenging part of life. After your consultation, you’ll likely feel better about whatever decision you make.